Artist: Reni, Guido, A.D. 1575-1642
Is Breastfeeding Modest?
First of all, I am not a lactation consultant or anything like that. I have breastfed five babies and teach childbirth classes in which I cover breastfeeding basics. But I’m not claiming any special knowledge on the topic. Breastfeeding does carry a special importance to me. It was a hot topic last week on our Facebook page due to the LDS Living breastfeeding in public poll. There were a lot of different opinions on their website. What I was struck with as I read comments was the need to support a woman no matter where she is in her breastfeeding experiences.
Did you know the LDS church is pro-breastfeeding?
The lds.org website includes information on the importance of breastfeeding which also stresses the need to nurse for at least 12 months. The Latter-Day Woman Manual, Part A states, “Breast milk, especially during the days immediately following birth, is the best food for a baby. Rarely is a child unable to tolerate a mother’s milk.”
The Latter-Day Woman Manual, Part B offers even more information,
“Our Heavenly Father made the mother’s body so it could produce milk. This milk is made especially for human babies to drink. It is better for babies than milk from animals. The first fluid that comes from the mother’s breasts after a new baby is born is also important. It contains substances that help protect the baby from diseases for the first few months.
Sometimes for health reasons a mother cannot breast-feed her baby. Milk from cows or goats or prepared formulas can also be used, but the mother must take greater care to keep the milk sanitary. A mother should breast-feed her baby if she can. The mother’s diet influences how much milk she produces for the baby. A mother who eats enough good foods and drinks enough water can usually produce enough milk for her baby.
• Why do some mothers not breast-feed their babies? Why is the fluid that comes before milk good for babies? Besides nutrition and disease prevention for the baby, what are some other advantages of breast-feeding?” (167)
Given that breastfeeding is best for our babies we should not put any restrictions on the mother to provide this nourishment. Asking a nursing mother to leave or embarrassing her, might be the deal breaker for her to stop nursing. In a religion where family is so highly valued and emphasized it would seem that breastfeeding should also be just as supported.
Becoming comfortable with breastfeeding, especially in public, has been a process for me. I have been the mom who searched for the quiet corner, the mom who stayed where she was with a nursing cover and the mom who just nursed discreetly, no cover at all, standing in line at Disney World. I feel like I have done it all.
Looking back I asked myself why I felt so uncomfortable giving nourishment to my baby in public and I realized I was merely a product of the breastfeeding culture I grew up in. Why do I blame culture? I have lived in and visited other countries where breastfeeding did not carry a sexual stigma. As a missionary in the Dominican Republic it was common for a mother to openly nurse her baby or toddler in front of us or the elders. There was no such thing as discreet nursing. It was open and no shame was attached to the act.
As I read through the scriptures I am struck by the fact that male prophets commonly chose images of pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, and mothering to teach gospel principles. Why did they use these images and symbols? They were commonly witnessed and easily relatable.
Mary 1520 AD, Artist: Conti
If you are to look at art from past centuries, there are many images of mothers breastfeeding their babies without a special cover or without even being discreet. In fact, Mary is often depicted openly nursing the baby Jesus not only as an infant but as a little boy. Breasts were recognized for the physiological function of nourishing babies and were not considered dirty or immodest when used this way. See this facebook page for some great examples: https://www.facebook.com/HistoricBreastfeedingPhotos?ref=ts
Mary 15th Century
References to nursing in scriptures:
In fact, there are some wonderful pieces of art from Mormon history depicting women openly breastfeeding their babies in Sacrament meeting (without a cover) or sitting among mixed company.
LDS Sacrament Meeting 1871
Close up of one of the breastfeeding mothers in the art piece.
Read more about these this painting here: http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2010/08/breastfeeding-history-moment-lds.html
Danish artist CCA Christensen 1900 "Mormon Handcart Company"
Read more about this painting here: http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2011/02/breastfeeding-history-moment-mormon.html
So when and how did this change? My thoughts are that during WWII when mothers were asked to go back to work that meant putting their babies on formula. I have talked with many elderly women who although they were not working were told their milk was too thin and they had to put their baby on formula. Formula companies pushed their products on doctors who in turn pushed them on mothers. A lot of money is involved in formula feeding. As a result, millions of mothers did not breastfeed and that meant millions of daughters and sons not seeing it as natural and normal. What happens when the physiologic function of the breast is lost? It is only seen as sexual. Due we owe in part the rampant nature of pornography to the absence of the physiology of the breast? We are reminded that:
“The scriptures often refer respectfully but plainly to the body and its parts… It is the world that makes the divinely created body an object of carnal lust. For example, it makes the female breasts primarily into sexual enticements, while the truth is that they were intended to nourish and comfort children… Teach your children that they will find joy in their bodies when they sue them virtuously after the manner taught by Christ” (37, A Parent’s Guide, 1985).Rixa Freeze, PhD, also posted some food for thought on the need for breastfeeding to be witnessed instead of hidden: http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2011/11/problem-with-nursing-covers.html. And A Bee In Your Bonnet shared her thoughts in this post, “Modesty and Breastfeeding.”
Is breastfeeding in public (especially church) immodest?
I’m not going to try to determine that for you. I have come to a place where I feel it is a personal decision. We make a big deal out of modesty in the church. I’m not saying modesty and discretion are not important. I like what Gordon B. Hinckley had to say about modesty, “I am not asking you to be prudish. I am asking you to be virtuous, and I think there is a vast difference between the two” (New Era, November 2011).
What does it mean to be prudish? From the Merriam –Webster online dictionary:
Prude – a person who is excessively or priggishly attentive to propriety or decorum; especially : a woman who shows or affects extreme modesty
And I had fun learning a new word:
Prig - one who offends or irritates by observance of proprieties (as of speech or manners) in a pointed manner or to an obnoxious degree
I am not trying to point fingers about who is and is not a prude or a prig (those names make me giggle) but in my opinion a woman who is breastfeeding is every bit virtuous.
By Anne Marie Oborn 2002, LDS artist
The best guide for modesty I try to follow is this question, “Ask yourself, ‘Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?’” (For Strength of Youth). Would I breastfeed in front of the Savior? Absolutely. No question. I can only imagine his heart breaking if I turned away my little one especially if it were time to partake of the Lord’s Sacrament. Jesus did say “Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14). Breastfeeding itself is symbolic of the Savior and His Living Water. He would not want me to miss that sacred ordinance. I need the bread and water each week just as my little one needs the “living water” I can provide to her. With that in mind, I also do not like to miss out on the testimonies, talks, or lessons. Why should the mother feeding with a bottle be accepted in class and not the breastfeeding mother?
With that in mind I recognize that because of our current culture it might distract someone if they knew I was breastfeeding in church meetings. I don’t think they would even know unless they sat right next to me and really looked closely. I also like to keep in mind that our sons and daughters need to see breastfeeding to accept it as normal and natural. I would much rather my son saw me or other moms breastfeeding than be submitted to the sexual manner in which breasts are represented in the media. But how many people would be offended by the breastfeeding mother but not by the scantily clad woman on the screen? How many of our children commonly see plenty of cleavage but not the breastfeeding mother?
Sadly, I have felt more comfortable in the general public nursing than inside the church building because of comments I have heard from women, not men, about “that woman” nursing openly at a Relief Society Activity (no men were in attendance). I’m thankful that mother did not hear the comment but I did and I was new to nursing and it affected how I felt about nursing at a church meeting.
I have also searched the LDS handbook 2 online and have found no reference to breastfeeding at all. There is nothing that says it should not happen within church meetings. I do recognize that with some babies they have to get latched on in a quiet space or that the mother just feels more comfortable excusing herself (sometimes I am that woman). Thank goodness for the mother’s lounge, if you prefer it, especially when breastfeeding is new to you or you have a baby that is easily distracted. I do have to admit that the mother’s lounge can be very distracting too. A mother needs to be where she feels safe and comfortable for let-down to occur. I just support the breastfeeding mama, you go girl!
Just remember that if someone, with or without intent, says something to degrade you for breastfeeding your baby, they are only a product of their culture. They “know not what they do.” It is our responsibility to speak up. Whenever a moment like that arises, I say a quiet prayer in my heart that I will just the right things that they need to hear so they walk away with a better understanding of how the Lord values breastfeeding.
Looking back over my adventures through breastfeeding I am filled with a sense of gratitude for the people who helped me along the way. Many times it was small and simple things that they did or did not do. I appreciate not being criticized for nursing in a quiet corner, with a cover, or without a cover in the midst of crowds of people. I’m sure along the way there were people who refrained from criticizing (or at least said it outside my earshot). Nonetheless, I was not belittled for putting the needs of my baby first and for that I am grateful.
With all that said, please remember to not judge the bottle feeding mother. She is a product of our breastfeeding culture and may have lacked the support needed or be the rare case that is unable to breastfeed. Maybe she didn’t see enough moms breastfeeding to know it mattered. Maybe she tried her heart out to make it work but it was not to be.
Please remember to leave comments that are in a spirit of love. Support your sistas’!
Thank you for this post. I am a energetic advocate for breastfeeding. It seems to be well accepted here, our Branch building is so small there is not a mother's room.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha! I love the cartoon. During the spring when our calves are born. We have hundreds of sucking calves. It is a beautiful sight to see in a green, spring pasture.
Love your well expressed views on this. I breastfed six children between 1972-1994, a total of something like 16 years of that time. I was a La Leche League Leader of two rural groups. Over that time I saw an ongoing shift in how acceptable it was to nurse in church. In the '70s babies were nursed openly in every meeting, usually with a cover, but sometimes without in the US and army branches in Europe. In the '80s it became less acceptable and at some point (not sure when) there was a letter from Salt Lake read over the pulpit saying that babies were not to be nursed in Sacrament meeting or other meetings where men were in attendance. When our building was renovated in the mid-ninties a mother's room was added. (Interesting that when It was built it wasn't considered necessary) After the letter most mothers stopped nursing in Relief Society meetings also. I continued to, but felt I might be disapproved of for it. I do still see some moms do it and am glad for it.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested to hear there is no policy about breastfeeding in meetings now. It would be good to have that swing back to nursing being more accepted in mixed company. It is so unfortunate that increasing sexualization is affecting mother's ability to meet their babies' needs whenever and wherever they arise...
Marilu, thank you for sharing more of the history of breastfeeding in church. Very interesting. And thank you for your leadership in LLL and your communities!
DeleteAfter experiencing not being able to breast feed one child....taking out a bottle was never looked down upon....when I was able to breast feed the other two, I just figured hey, I am feeding my baby....however that happens, i don't see any shame in it...bottle, breast or what have you.....Sometimes I wanted a quiet place to connect with baby, sometimes it was in the food court of Costco or during an entire 3 hour flight. When baby is hungry no one squaks when a bottle is used. One of my children settled in more with a cover and another refused it. For me I just had to find a ground that baby and momma agreed. Maybe I got funny looks....I was never aware cause my eyes were looking into babies. However for me discretion and modesty were key for me, be it my shirt, a cover or a blanket. I do remember visiting a Sun Valley ward one winter just after I got married (1995). I looked over and a woman all out undid her blouse. un hooked the bra cover exposing her full breast and then husband handed her baby. No one seemed to care. Although a little surprised, I didn't care either. It was beautiful.....in a divine gift Heavenly Father has given us way. I will never forget that moment. I was never that open about breast feeding. But I felt somehow empowered years later when I had the blessed opportunity to breast feed.
ReplyDeleteI thank her and every woman that has encouraged me in my choice to breast feed and supported me during the one I could not. Either way, for me it is not just the physical nutrients that baby needs but the emotional and visual bond created from a quality feeding....breast or bottle.
wow Robyn, this is a great post. I think the younger ladies need to gain courage our our "big sisters" in the church. It's important that this be talked about amoung women.
ReplyDeleteWow, Robyn, great post. You really do so much research and put so much thought into your posts I love to read them.
ReplyDeleteI'm so greatful that I've been able to breastfeed my children. I think that the health benefits for both Mom and babies is so beneficial. They say your risk for breast cancer goes down about 50% when you breastfeed. You save more that $2000 dollars if you breast feed their first year of life. The bonding with baby is also one of my favorite parts and I'm sure you can still bond with bottle. I don't know maybe it's just providing nutrition for these little ones that just creates that loving, nurturing feeling.
However, not to cause controversy, I'm all for breastfeeding when your little ones need it, but I feel no shame in keeping modest about it. And by that I just mean covered up wherever your needing to feed your baby. I would never feed my baby in a bathroom or a cold car just to avoid uncomfortable stares. Maybe part of my problem is that from a young age I was taught to keep modest. I don't think just because I'm nursing I don't need to be modest. Breasts have more than one use and are still a sexual thing. I think an exposesd breast is going to make any man uncomfortable. That's just how I feel, but know that I feed my babe in Relief Society, in Sacrament meeting, in resteraunts because he needs to eat too. but I think keeping modest about it is just common courtesy. Just a differing point of view. But really a shout out to all Mom's, We're all doing the best we can!
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ReplyDelete(I found a typo in the comment I posted before so I am reposting. Ha!)
ReplyDeleteMelinda, thank you for your comments. I do not disagree with you. Breasts are sexual and I am not saying they aren't. I'm only saying that the great majority of the time they are only witnessed as sexual and not as having a physiologic function that is completely appropriate. Another mother shared this quote with me:
“The scriptures often refer respectfully but plainly to the body and its parts… It is the world that makes the divinely created body an object of carnal lust. For example, it makes the female breasts primarily into sexual enticements, while the truth is that they were intended to nourish and comfort children… Teach your children that they will find joy in their bodies when they use them virtuously after the manner taught by Christ” (37, A Parent’s Guide, 1985).
I hope you felt my love here because I don't think there is shame is using a nursing cover. I have used one many times. I have felt like many times when I covered my baby and they pulled and tugged and pushed the cover off and that I was less modest than when I just nursed discreetly, no breast exposed. (It was like my baby was waving a flag, hello my mamma is nursing me! Hee! Hee!) It stressed me out until I asked myself the question, would I nurse this way in front of the Savior? Yes. I am still modest. I think it is great to use a cover if you prefer it. Keep, keepin' on sister! My hope is that we do not judge the breastfeeding or bottle feeding momma, covered or uncovered. I love ya for speakin’ your mind.
Oh, I wasn't offended by you at all. I appreciate all your thoughts. It is nice to have differing view points and to learn from the research and thoughts of another person. I really do love reading everything you have to write. You're a very talented writer and really nothing you have to say is wrong or hurtful it is all helpful and worth defending. Maybe I just got the wrong message when I read through it. But really about 90% of your thoughts I agree whole heartedly with so thanks for speakin' your mind. Keep at it!
ReplyDeleteI have thought about this post for a while, and as a mom of five who has breastfed all of them, I completely appreciate the openness of your post and the spiritual aspect of it. I love breastfeeding my babies.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing that I would add is an experience I has as the Relief Society president when we were in Florida. In an interview with the bishop he asked me to talk with the women about modesty in general (there was a lot of exposed clevage in the ward), and to mention uncovered breastfeeding in public. His wife was a young mother who would nurse in public with a cover, so there was no hypocracy in his comments. But he talked about how many men there were in our ward who were battling pornography everyday of their lives. And then to come to church and see women with clevage or an exposed breast would send their thoughts in places they didn't want it to go. He was not calling breastfeeding bad by any stretch, he just needed us to realize as women that what really is something beautiful and amazing was very difficult for some men to deal with. It was a totally new outlook for me.
We need to not be ashamed, but I think we also need to be mindful of the brethren struggling in our midst to battle their own problems. Church should be a safe haven for all. We don't live a perfect world, but we can look out for each other. My goal is not to offend, just to offer another point of view.
KayDe, I'm not offended. I appreciate your comment and I do think it is important to keep in mind our audience when we breastfeed. I guess that is why at times I choose to cover, go to a private place or stay where I am uncovered. I try to use the spirit. My opinions about this have changed over time and I do not expect everyone to agree. We are all shaped by our experiences and culture so I have written from my own limited understanding and what I felt compelled by the spirit to share. Pornography and its effects sicken me. I know too many good people that it has had a destructive influence on.
ReplyDeleteSomeone shared an experience with me that changed the way I looked at breastfeeding too. She told me that a man in her ward thanked her for breastfeeding in public because it reminded him what breasts were for and that they are virtuous, etc. He was working to overcome his pornography addiction as well and being reminded of their physiologic purpose helped him. I think Satan has been very subtle and crafty about making breasts only sexual objects and has used this to undermind motherhood. It reminds me of a scripture in Revelations 12:13, “And when the dragon saw that he was cast unto the earth, he persecuted the woman which brought forth the man child.”
I feel that when I am breastfeeding (covered or uncovered but discreet)I am using my body virtuously. And even though I am using my body virtuously I cannot control the interpretation of what I am doing. Even if a woman is covered, everyone knows what is going on under there and can choose to have dirty thoughts about it. Unfortunately, our culture has chosen to interpret breastfeeding as sexual and in need of being hidden. Maybe as a culture we have lost the innocence of breastfeeding and cannot go back. I don't know. I have pondered this issue a lot too and I continue to ponder it.
(continued in the comment below)
I know that not every baby will nurse "covered" so should that baby not be nursed even though it is a virtuous act that may be interpreted the wrong way by someone? Would I want my head covered while I eat? What if it is very hot and the idea of putting a blanket over my baby is not a good idea? This is definitely something that falls under the spirit of the law and I feel every woman will have to seek the spirit in how she chooses to breastfeed modestly. I do think that a woman can make breastfeeding an immodest act. I have seen photos where it was not about nursing a baby but about being sexual. That saddens me too. That kind of act does not help the issue. Covering for nursing is a recent phenomenon. Throughout history even in very strict cultures for modesty (ie. hemlines to the floor, dressed to the neckline and to the wrists) nursing was open not discreet. This blog post had some interesting points to ponder on the issue: http://community.babycenter.com/post/a31512833/every_argument_against_nip_debunked_-_newly_expanded.
ReplyDeleteNow this is my opinion but I feel that covering the virtuous use of our breasts reinforces them as only being a sexual object. I could be wrong, I often am. But I feel that the loss of this innocence encourages the objectification and over-sexualization of breasts in our culture.
I'm sure you handled this complicated issue with your sisters in a very tactful and loving way. I don’t think your bishop was hypocritical. I don’t know the man. I think that our bishops are honestly trying in the best way they can to help with the multitude of needs within their wards. They always mean well. They do this even though they may have limited resources and understanding. I function in my callings the same way, imperfect but willing, seeking for inspiration, making mistakes as I go. I have an awesome bishop (and I love his wife too). I have no idea if we have the same opinions on this topic. I have never discussed this with him, nor do I plan to. Regardless of what he may think we both have different experiences and understanding in life. We are both in a very honest way trying to live the gospel the best we can. I recognize that it will be my Heavenly Father that I answer to. The fact of the matter is there are no specifics on what is considered modest breastfeeding from an official church standpoint. My guess is that the reason for that is that the spirit has to dictate some things. We are not commanded in all things.
I respect you a lot. Thanks again for your input and thoughts.
P.S. I look forward to seeing your beautiful family the next time all of our "brassy" husbands gather in Utah.